The Abyssal Plane is now radioactive slag. Good work, Drow.
Back to earlier, however. It was a tiefling, and she was a sorceress. Summoned three babau, hideous, smelly fucks, before she teleported away. Telling them to "FUCK OFF" didn't have the desired effect, unfortunately. Agile bastards, I couldn't hit them with the taser, and although the leech opened up on them she didn't take them down. The mystic managed to with the M60, however, after trying and failing to hit them with a telekinetic dagger shotgun, but the hippie was injured by one of these nasty shitheads. Thankfully they're apparently not poisonous or infectious.
Even injured she's pretty stealthy, though, and good at disabling traps and lockpicking. She got a few poisoned darts from a trap on the door down the tunnel, snuck down a side passage, and found a shitload of Drow weaponry. Meanwhile I'd found a few silver ancient Drow coins and some weed, which I added to my stash. I also now have a couple of the Drow version of the M4 carbine, along with military-grade laptops.
Further down the passage there was a-fucking-nother fucking piece of shit fucking portal to the fucking abyssal fucking plane. Fuck this shit. Using my spoon I smashed the electronics on the Earth side of the portal, went through, and saw someone approaching. Go back through, a Drow comes through. He was apparently the IT guy and I'd destroyed the internet connection for that keep on the abyssal plane. Paid him off with a couple of the Drow coins and sent him on his way.
A few minutes later the Drow military showed up, they'd been following us with their drone. Apparently the leadership finally got their heads out of their asses and decided to do something about shit down here, which meant sending a few squads followed by 20 ICBMs armed with 10 nuclear warheads each. Holy fuck, they get hardcore when they finally get their shit together.
The general sent the grunts through the portal, wiping out the demons in the keep, and then the rest of us went through, searching for whatever was keeping the portal open. Found it was what we've dubbed the Bowling Ball of Doom. It was pulling energy from the sky, and mystic dude wasn't sure whether it was safe to handle. Dead demon proved useful, as when I used his hand to touch it the hand started sizzling, so with my leather glove I was able to remove it. The soldiers confirmed they'd killed the tiefling, and I had them spit on the body. The Drow set up their missiles, spent 8 hours getting everything ready before the portal closed, and just before it did they launched.
200 nuclear warheads later, the abyssal plane is largely radioactive slag. Skeletor is going to be pissed, I just wish I was there to see his reaction.
Somehow I ended up with a coupon for free ice cream after reentering the portal, which I redeemed before we departed for the surface. The Drow released us in south Oklahoma City, so we've made it back to the office. Plus side, Skeletor thinks we're dead, and Skeletor Jr. will be a good way to get at him.