Charlie's dead. Back to that in a while.
Skeletor Jr. blew up the fucking temple we were in and we ended up in a river in the bloody Underdark. Max, Alexis, and I were fished out by some Drow who were surprisingly civil, not nearly as bloodthirsty as their reputation. They brought us to their equivalent of a police station, where we were interrogated. They were doubtful of the story about Skeletor and his planning to take over the world, but the videos of Skeletor and documentation from MCR on my phone eventually convinced them. They lodged us in a hotel for the night while deciding what to do with us.
They'd also found some Zoroastrian mage who'd managed to wander into the underdark, however the fuck that's possible. Mystic bastard wanted to emigrate instead of getting back to the surface. The constabulary finally made us an offer: find out what the fuck happened to two parties that had disappeared while exploring nearby passages, or emigrate and become permanent residents. Finally managed to convince everyone to conduct the search, and they returned our weapons. Before we set out our hippie tree-hugging cleric attempted to talk to the fish about what might be in the area, and the bloody mystic researched the local history. I put my time to better use by learning a bit of the Drow language, starting with curses. "Vith'tir!" is "Fuck off!"
First thing I fucking find is a fucking acid-melted skeleton and fucking iPhone. Checked the area some and it appeared to have been a slow melt. Bloody gelatinous cube was my best guess, and I had our babysitters who were too fucking scared to come down the passage with us obtain a bucket of ammonia and a hand pump sprayer. While we waited I drew circles on a couple larger light-colored rocks and gathered a handful of small rocks.
Seeing a rock stop in midair with an accompanying 'plop' sound will definitely get your attention, and it was a fucking gelatinous cube. I tossed the rocks with circles into it, giving it googly eyes, and named it Charlie before I started the sprayer. Ammonia is high on the pH scale and reacted as expected with the acidic makeup of the cube. Very melty and boiling, which pissed it off. Alexis, never one for subtlety, opened up with her pistols, and the mystic, wielding the M60, did as well, with Charlie's body reacting much like ballistics gel. Charlie attempted to grab me, apparently quite pissed off and hungry, but I managed to dodge it, and spraying into the rapidly-closing holes finished it off. It lost all form, turning into a quickly-spreading puddle of acid, which the remainder of the ammonia helped to neutralize. Goodbye Charlie, you jiggly bastard.
We went further down the passage and found it opening into a larger cavern, where there was a fucking devil imp. Little red fuck was trying to drag a stone block, largely unsuccessfully, and I was able to lure it into taser range. Bloodsucker made quick work of it, and with the sunglasses I could see four more bright heat signatures like it had. Mystic and I crept up on one, and he nailed it with a throwing knife, but didn't kill it. I tasered it when it got in range and he got to finish it off. Meanwhile, bloodsucker and bleeding-heart hippie snuck up on another. Hippie tried the same throwing knife trick, which worked, and Alexis jumped on it, stabbing it multiple times, with the hippie firing a blast of holy energy that burned through its body. Leech wasn't too pleased about almost being hit, but let it go as the other two took note and approached.
Mystic opened up with the M60, and I finished off one by blowing its head open while the hippie shot the other through the chest. Now to find out what the bloody hell these evil little fuckers were doing.
…Is that a…tiefling?